Beginning 2014

2013 has been an interesting year for me, my first full year as a cancer survivor, I have come back from that dark adventure with a new lease on life, and a new determination to take advantage of the strengths and gifts God had granted me. I think that this year was the first to truly teach me the safety of perspective, the power of distance, and the advantage of forethought when facing a situation. Even when pressed, I understand now, more than ever, than I not only still have time to face a challenge, but I can set out to make more time, often to the detriment of my challenger.

To know something, and to understand it are truly different things, and this year taught me that I can, indeed work, and work well with someone whom I don't like. I can trust to unpleasant, I can even defend the unkind. I can stand for principle, even one opposed to my own, without compromising myself in the process. To be friends, coworkers, allies or neighbors are truly different things, and while they should coexist in the ideal, I have learned to keep each roll carefully in its place when the different relationships will not coexist.

To be linked is good. To be respected is hard. To be trusted is earned. And to be true is, honestly, to be hated at times. Each of these has there place, but it is good not to mistake any of them as universal.

To look into the mirror is to see a preponderance of flaws, shortcomings, and failures. The silvered glass offers no hope for the critical eye. Instead, one must look at the refection offered by those around him, friends, family, spouse, and child. In these I see both the critical judgement needed to burn off impurities, but also a heartfelt appreciation of not only accomplishments, but of the spirit that propelled each one.

As these, the final hours of 2013 drawn to the arbitrary close that is the end of the year, I look back, take stock of my life, and use these lessons to force a compass that will guide me through the year to come.

Therefore...

I shall strive to work harder, mentally and physically, to demonstrate to others, and to prove to myself that I can, and well be an example of industriousness, determination, and resolve.

I shall endeavor towards formal certifications in skills important to me, both personally and professionally.

I shall compete unreservedly, setting my goal no one step ahead, but ten of those around me. In victory I shall celibate the good health of those I passed. In defeat, I shall celebrate twice as hard for them, for it is their example that I should learn from, and they who will likely be there when I fall, answering my cries for aid.

I will forgive my transgressors, and free myself of the heavy, painful chains of hatred and spite, not because they deserve it, for they truly do not, but rather, because I need the peace it will offer, and can stomach no more fighting on these fronts.

I will look inward, and scrutinize myself, a personal crucible to burn away all but the truest thoughts and desires.

I will look to others. I will be more aware of those who have made efforts to befriend me, and will make efforts of my own to reach out in kind. For these are the bonds that raise us up from just existing in this word to truly living in it.

I shall read more, for the page is both mentor and playmate to the mind.

I shall write more, for the pen can is as fine as any doctor's scalpel, as powerful as any sword, as strong as any fortification, and as enduring as any mountain. With my words, I hope to entertain, to educate, to declare and to defend in the new year.

I shall not answer the cries of lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy or pride.

I shall aid the weak, uphold the honest, defend the persecuted, give to the wanting.

I shall cherish all that I have, and acquire only what I truly need.

I will love my wife all that much more because she is so dear to my heart.

I will cherish my son, and be glad in his every joy, for his is a legacy I have the privilege of helping to build, and one that I hope will surpass my own.


And finally, I shall endeavor to learn from every mistake, every failing, and refocus myself yet again this time next year.

So say I,
Cisco Cividanes